"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
