I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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