i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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