Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
