where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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