You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
