I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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