we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
