Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
