i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
