This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The Olympian is in my bed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
