I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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