You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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