Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
