I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
