The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So vagazzling was a success
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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