dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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