i'm signing you up for texting rehab
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
