There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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