there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
