He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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