Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
