I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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