I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He did a backflip because drugs
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
