talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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