Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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