I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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