She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Panties = found
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