I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have tasted many bathrooms
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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