i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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