White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
