Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
