I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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