I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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