someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
