It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
