You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
