i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
