one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
