I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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