hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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