So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
