Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
