Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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