I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
