You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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