i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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