Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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