If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
