I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
